Being a husband or wife, I’m sure you’ve read the books about balancing marriage and ministry. I did too. In fact, I was completely prepared going in to my first full time ministry position. I was sure I planted all those tips in my mind. I was making sure my wife was being loved while I was leading other people. I had everything under control. Until it happened…….
One evening after a hard day of work. You know those mentally draining days that make you tired? Well, I had one of those. So on the drive home, I was still frustrated. I pull up the car and get in the house. I said hey to my wife, Alison, and I sat on the couch. As I’m sitting there, my wife started asking me question after question. You know the questions every spouse asks like “How was your day?” and “How are you doing?” I reluctantly answered. Then she said something………..the sad thing is, I don’t even remember what she said. Whatever it was, it triggered something inside of me that I had been holding all day long. It was waiting to come out like a lion from a cage. I completely blew up……….I was aggressively talking my head off. My voice was raised. I just let her have it! I went all out.
My wife looked at me and simply said, “Whatever happened at work has nothing to do with me.” When she said that, I felt the size of a pea. I was embarrassed. Out of all the books I read, I did exactly what I told myself I wouldn’t do. I let work follow me all the way home from my mouth out to my wife. I couldn’t believe it. I sat down and ask for her forgiveness. She lovingly forgave me.
Your spouse in not a mind reader. You have to communicate in order for them to fully gain where you’re coming from. I can’t expect Alison to automatically know my feelings or thoughts if I don’t express them. We put unsaid expectations on our spouses. We shouldn’t do that. If we do, we’re setting ourselves up for failure.
Here are some ways I could of handled that situation differently:
Hey babe, I’ve had a rough day. Can you give me a moment to calm down?
Hey Alison, I’m still upset from work. I just wanted you to know that just in case I seem different.
**You can taking a longer route home to help you calm down**
**When you get home, go in your room, close the door and pray**
What are some ways you communicate your feelings to your spouse?